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My name is Shaun, I live in the USA, I was born and raised a fourth generation Jehovah's Witness, I'm 37, my husband was raised a Jehovah's Witness since age 5, he is 42, we have one daughter who is 8 and we have been married for 21 years. Both of our entire childhood's were raised in strict JW homes, Saturday morning service, all the meetings, assemblies and no worldly association. My husband and I never received a College education because it was strongly discouraged by the Society. The early years of our marriage were hard financially because neither one of us had the education or experience in the real world to make a decent living. It wasn't till later that we became a little more financially secure through real estate investments. I feel that I have always been judged my entire life as to how much I put forth in the “Truth”, it was never enough. When we built a new home in 1995, my mother criticized me for putting material interests before spiritual interests. She kept making comments that she wished we would not put so much into this old system of things. My parents have some commercial property, that at one time, they thought might sell for around $ 250,000 dollars, she made a comment to me, if she sold it and used $ 25,000 per year to live on, for the next ten years, that would give her enough to live on till Armageddon . That statement was made in 1992. Of course, she could have invested the $250,000 and received interest or dividends in the range of $15,000 to $25,000 a year, or she could have invested in some rental property and used the profits to live on. That reasoning never entered her mind because of the Jehovah's Witness mindset. She told me she didn't want to be weighed down in this system of things with rental property or investments, because she knew that Armageddon was just around the corner and she would have plenty to live on. As time on went on, the property never sold. My parents are in their late 50s and have no pensions or retirement, they both work at a small family run business and are barely making ends meet. They both were also born & raised Jehovah's Witnesses. I started an in-depth investigation of the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses in February 1998. Among my many questions, the most troublesome was regarding the numerous predictions for the end of Armageddon, made by the Watchtower Organization over the years.
I was able to obtain many old Watchtower publications from my
grandmother. What we read was very disturbing. Pastor Russell
(considered the founder of the Watchtower movement) was apparently
very involved in pyramidology, and calculated the date 1914 as the end
of the world through some elaborate formula involving the measurements
of the certain pyramids. Though my husband and I had been involved
with this organization for over 36 years, and strongly believed this date
was a marked year in Bible prophecy, we had never been told the method
used to compute it.
After two months of intense research, I showed my parents a tiny portion
of what I had learned. Their reaction was almost eerie. It
was as if they mentally shut their eyes and plugged their ears. From
that day forward, I saw a hate and disgust in their eyes toward me, and
they began to distance themselves from me. They called our friends
and relatives to warn them to stay away from us, and we have not been invited
to family get-togethers, family weddings, or other occasions at which we
once would have been welcomed. My parents even told my sister that
they considered us "dead" and would have nothing to do with us ever again.
I had obtained the "Studies in the Scriptures" and "The Divine Plan of
the Ages" (by Pastor Russell) from my grandmother. When I showed
my mother what I had found, she refused to return the book to me.
She said she would return it to my grandmother and was very upset with
my grandmother for giving me these books, in which I had found such incriminating
information. Fortunately, my grandmother has not shunned me, and
I am grateful for that.
My brother was never baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Yet,
he has made it quite clear to my parents that he has no intention of ever
becoming one. He has had many problems through the years, which includes
drug addiction. While he was recovering from a drug overdose, I visited
him in the hospital (May 20, 1998). My parents continue to be supportive
of him throughout all these ordeals, and I am grateful that they do.
However, I can't help feel somewhat like the brother of the prodigal son
in Jesus' parable. I'm, I guess, a little jealous that my parents
have disowned me for nothing more than questioning and researching things
that I had been taught and accepted by them.
My mother has continued to gossip about us and called all of my aunts,
uncles, cousins and friends up and warned them against us. My father called
one of my husbands dearest friends up to warn him. We only went to talk
to our immediate families and told them what we had found, and that we
had serious questions, that is all. I was born into this religion
and feel that it is my right to investigate and leave it if I choose and
I should not have to go through the mental abuse that has been afflicted
on me.
My husbands brother who is a Jehovah's Witness, would not invite us to
his daughter's wedding in September 1998. The wedding was not allowed at
the Kingdom Hall because the niece was not baptized and she was marring
a worldly man. Although the girl herself was going against
the code of conduct among Jehovah's Witnesses, we were deliberately excluded
from the wedding because we had "doubts" about the validity of some Watchtower
doctrines. My husband's brother told my father-in-law
that Jehovah's Witnesses would be attending and we're not welcomed.
Well I found out that only 4 Jehovah's
Witnesses attended, because of the niece marring a worldly man. How
ironic, we were judged by his brother, and they were judged by the
Jehovah's Witnesses. All Jehovah's Witnesses are very judgmental, it's
part of the training from the Organization, the judgmental and shunning
policies keeps it's subjects in line. My brother-in-law told my sister-in-law
that he is totally cutting off my husband and I forever.
My husbands parents still speak to us even though they will not talk about
religion, which is fine, but there is a distancing there too. My father-in-law
has been approached by some elders of another congregation (not my father-in-laws
or ours) and asked him questions, as to what my husband might have
said to him. My father-in-law covered for my husband, he just said
that my husband had some questions and he was helping him with them.
I don't want to be disfellowshipped for apostasy. The Bible describes an
apostate as one who turns against Jehovah or Jesus. I'm not an apostate,
I'm a firm believers in the Bible as the inspired word of God. I'm
only considered an apostate in the Jehovah's Witnesses eyes because I'm
rejecting some "doctrines unique to the Watchtower Society that
are unsupported by inspired scripture. Please see
my Research
for additional information. I believe a person should have the right
to leave and not have the shunning policy imposed on them from the Organization.
I have my Disassociation letter almost complete, just in case I need
it. I'm holding on to it as my last resort. Either way if I disassociate
myself before they disfellowship me, the results are the same, a life totally
cut off from family and friends that are still associated with the Organization.
I may have to go to some family funerals in the very near future and some
of my relatives would be obligated to shun me. I know I may not
even be given a phone call if my grandmother was to die.
My husband's oldest dearest friend (I'll call him Bob) is now giving my
husband ( I'll call him Mike) the cold shoulder. When Mike calls to talk
"guy stuff", Bob will barely answer, he is very cold and it's as if Mike
is talking to a stranger. Bob has not initiated any contact with Mike for
over a year now. Even when Bob's Dad was in the hospital suffering
from cancer, Bob would barely answer Mike's questions about his father's
condition. Now, my husband wonders if he will even be notified when
Bob's father dies, or if he would even be welcome at the funeral, although
he has known the man for over 20 years.
The pain continues, my daughter was 7 at the time, and she wanted
to call my little sister who was 10 and talk with her. They were good friends.
My daughter called my parents work and gets my mom, (who has my little
sister there at work with her, she home schools her). My mom just hands
the phone to my dad and says this is (name of my daughter), talk to her.
My dad tells her that they are going home and to call there. (The house
is just a block away) My daughter waits for enough time and tries calling
but they never answer the phone, she tries till late at night, and still
no answer. The next day my daughter tries again at their home on Saturday
morning and they don't answer (caller ID). I get a hold of my grandmother
and tell her what's going on. She calls their home and gets right through
and really gives them a tongue lashing about treating my daughter that
way. Then my daughter calls back and gets my mom who says nothing to her
granddaughter, and hands the phone to my little sister. The two kids talk
a while, like kids do, they had fun talking. I'm trying to keep this shunning
policy from my daughter as much as I can, but how can you explain
to a little girl that her grandparents won't talk to her or she is not
allowed to talk to her little aunt or cousins any more? If my parents have
any hope that my daughter will accept their beliefs when she grows up,
their kindness and love toward her would be more likely to bring about
that result than their current rejection of her. In May of 1999 my daughter
told me how hurt she was that she cannot see her little aunt anymore. I
tried to tell my daughter that maybe my parents will let my little sister
talk to her in time. I told her we have to pray for them to change. I had
to turn around and leave the room so my daughter wouldn't see me crying,
I didn't want to upset her. It's so hard to keep up the appearance that
everything will be all right.
In January 1999 I decided to help my grandmother clean up in and around
her house. My father stopped in, and was cordial. I was avoiding
the religion issue, I didn't want to go through any more pain. My father
started asking me when I was going to come back to the meetings. I couldn't
believe he asked me that. We got into a discussion, he wanted to know if
I thought I was going to heaven. I said I wasn't completely sure of the
answer, the bible seems to indicate that you do. (See my research on “Heaven”,
I discussed it with my father). We also got into a discussion about Jesus
being our Mediator. My Father thought Jesus was his Mediator, I informed
him he wasn't according to the Society. ( See my research on “Mediator”,
most Jehovah's Witnesses don't know the answer, they believe Jesus is their
Mediator. Many Witnesses don't really know what the Watchtower currently
teaches because the doctrines are often changed gradually and "flip-flop"
back and forth over the years.) I thought my father
was coming around, he seemed sincere, was thrown by what I had showed him
in the Bible. He wanted to continue our discussion the next day. I agreed
to it and brought some of my research. He had studied up in the Society's
“Reasoning” book before our next conversation. He kept saying that the
Society makes mistakes, they admit it, they are only human and Jehovah
gives them new light. To make a long story short, things did not go well.
He said that I had broke the family up by not staying a Jehovah's Witness.
I tried to explain, but it was useless. I told them I would still send
them a wedding invitation to my daughters wedding in the future, even though
I knew they would not attend. (My daughter is 8 years old) I told him I
would come to see him and my mom when they are very old in a nursing home.
( I was trying to make a strong point of this shunning policy.) He just
left not responding. My husband and I went back the following week to finish
what I had started with cleaning my grandmothers yard and house. My mom
called over there to talk to my grandmother, I answered the phone, she
asked who it was, I said “Shaun” remember your daughter. My mom was in
a hurry, she relayed a message to me for my grandmother and quickly handed
the phone to my dad. I told my dad that my mom could at least said hi and
could have talked to me. He didn't comment. I saw my dad a couple weeks
later at the hospital when my grandmother was admitted. He was nice and
we did not discuss religion. That is the last time I have spoken to my
father. While my grandmother was in the hospital, my husband & I along
with my brother & his wife spent 4 days cleaning up her house. We felt
it was the Christian thing to do.
Since we have stopped going to the meetings, we still have family Bible
studies, and are constantly researching the Bible, we are not apostates
to God. Its a shame that my family has such a loyalty to a man made Organization.
I really believe that if the Organization told my parents to stone us to
death, they would do it without hesitation. That's how brainwashed my parents
really are.
I sometimes sit down and start crying because of all of the pain that I'm
in. My husband is taking things pretty well, because at least his parents
will speak to him. I'm a very emotionally strong person, and this
family shunning has really brought me to my knees. I will never go back
to the meetings, I refuse to raise my child this way, and I know what I'm
doing is the right thing. I'm willing to suffer for the sake of my child,
to break the chain. I don't need friends and family that base their affection
on conditions put out by the Watchtower Society.
My husband and I have been successful in getting out three families
of relatives, two brothers-in-law and are currently
helping a few friends we know.
Shaun
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